Like Dangerfield “I can’t get no respect!”

I love coaching  basketball.  I love teaching the game, and I love helping players to better understand the game and use their own talents and athleticism to maximize their own potential. It’s one of the reasons that i pursued a coaching position through the winter months.

I took a job at a new school, with a bunch of 9th graders.  Many of the middle school kids I’ve been training are 8th graders so the level is similar with one striking difference.  The kids I’ve just met 2 months ago know when it’s practice time it’s time to practice.  They don’t play games.  I don’t play games.  I know my practices are intense.  I hate to waste time, and my expectations are high but not above players abilities.

This last week an old friend came back into town.  He came with me to a KIPP practice on Thursday, and a Pressing On workout on Friday.  I was struck this week at how much more respect I get at KIPP than I do with kids I’ve known 2 years and have been working out for 9 months.  With two players showing blatant disrespect I realized my reactions are different.  I couldn’t make a kid run that didn’t want to participate in a program, and I couldn’t kick someone out who was waiting for a ride to their game.  In the end, my hands were tied.

I talked to a student who I don’t typically have problems with as to why he thought that I may get much more respect somewhere other than at Trinity Christian Community.  His response was enlightening.  He said “Ben you’re fun.  I think some people have a hard time not seeing you as the fun Ben that takes us to camp.”  He thought it may help some people if I make a differentiation between Fun Ben and Coach Ben.  Hopefully he’s right and kids will start to see me as “Coach Ben – the no nonsense coach who is here to help us improve our games and our character” during Pressing On workout sessions, and Fun Ben any other time they see me.

Will a boys ministry teach girls?

Last week I had two new experiences that could completely change the face of Pressing On Ministries.

It’s no secret that this ministry mostly caters to boys, and I put a heavy responsibility on my own shoulders to teach the young boys I work with and mentor to be real mean of character.  Some boys don’t enjoy the high standards and accountability, but most do.  There is a part of every young man that wants to be the best that they can be.  In a world where there are a lot of false messages about what a real man is being a man of integrity is refreshing.

That being said, people often ask me if I would allow girls to participate.  My standard answer is that I train basketball players.  Ball players come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and genders… but it was a hurdle I haven’t really had to take.  Obviously I can’t teach a woman to be a man of character, but I can teach them to be a woman of integrity.  The biggest question I have to figure out is “Does the character lesson or the message have to change?” and “Can middle school boys and middle school girls play together?”

This week two girls asked me to stick around and show them how to play.  I was a little nervous, because I knew some of  my guys wouldn’t want to play with girls, and some of them had issues with the girls that wanted to stay in particular.  After warning them that I take this seriously and expect their best effort without attitude I let them stay.  At first things were rough.  Words got exchanged and my regulars were frustrated the new players didn’t understand the drills the first time through.  After threatening to shut down practice and send everyone home without a ride everybody calmed down and just focused on basketball.  If this is going to continue there is still a need for growth, but overall the girls did about as well as any new player to the ministry, and I was surprised and impressed with the result.

Abandon the ministry?

Several people have asked me, upon learning that I’ve begun to coach for KIPP Renaissance (which is a new charter high school across town) how this will affect the ministry I started and love so dearly.  While this is a valid question I think a better question is how could this enhance what you already do, and how does it fall in line with the goals, principals, and hopes you have for the ministry?

At the very core of the ministry is relationships.  The reason this is key is because players get to see my heart for Jesus, but beyond that our mutual respect earns me the right to be heard, and the deeper our relationship goes the more they trust me.  I’ve been blessed to have a handful of guys that are the core of Pressing On. These relationships have been built over a year and a half by seeing, talking to, and spending time with these guys on a weekly basis.

Coaching gives me an even greater opportunity.  Instead of seeing these guys once or twice a week I will get a chance to see them, and work with them 3-4 times per week (assuming practice schedules can be arranged the way we like).  Also, this school only has 9th Grade, and so this gives me an opportunity to move up with these guys over the next four years (assuming this is a good working relationship both for myself and KIPP).  Investing in a child both on and off the court will give them the ability to learn to trust me, and the relationship between a player and a coach they trust and respect is one of the tightest bonded relationships there is.

The second thing I’ve noticed is that between tryouts and the first practice I’ve crossed paths with 3 players before.  The first player used to work out at Desire Street Ministries with Peace Players, and so there were many weekends I would spend with him working on his game.  The second player lives next to one of my most frequent attenders, and has even come to Pressing On, but has never really gotten hooked in.  The 3rd player also lives in my neighborhood, and knows of the center, but hasn’t spent much time there.  Surprisingly I’ve only run across 2 players I coached at Lacey’s school last year, unfortunately neither one has decided to play basketball. I’ve already been surprised at how God is already giving me opportunities across town to build relationships in my neighborhood.

Coaching at a school also gives me the opportunity to reinforce the concept that good grades are important – not just to graduate but to play.  I’ve been fortunate enough now to have an outlet to teach young men how to behave correctly, hold them to high standards, help them thrive, in an environment where actions help and hurt not just themselves but the team as well.

While I’m sure there is more that I will see in the upcoming months I’m excited for the opportunity I’ve been provided.

Fall Newsletter 2010

My friends,

It’s been way too long since my last newsletter.  Life has quickly become incredibly busy, but that is no excuse.  Please click the link below to see the most recent happenings at Pressing On.

Pressing On Fall Newsletter 2010 Click Here!

Thank you for your prayers, support, and friendship

Ben

New Season Brings Change

As I write this I realize that much of the nation is expecting its first snowstorm this weekend.  New Orleans has just hit the low 60′s.  While in many places this sounds warm, I assure you this is a 15-20 degree drop, and another reminder that winter is quickly approaching.

Unfortunately when the only court space you have access to is outside colder weather and fewer daylight hours  means a drop in numbers.  This isn’t necessarily all bad though.  Last year the winter was the time that I got to establish who my core group of players are, and it was the time that I really got to build those friendships.  As we came through the winter those guys have remained my most frequent attenders, and the ones I’m closest to off the court.

One of the biggest struggles of the middle school group is that there are no games, there is no team, and so keeping them motivated is tough.  This winter I’ve gained a new opportunity.  KIPP Renaissance is a new Charter High School in New Orleans, and they provided me an opportunity to co-coach their first basketball team.  One of the huge benefits to this is that this first group will grow with us for four years allowing us to teach them quite a lot both on and off the court. I’m very excited for this season to start.  With tryouts starting yesterday and finishing today a new season is just beginning both for the kids and Pressing On Ministries.  Please join me in keeping these kids, this school, and the future steps of this ministry in prayer.

Thank you!

 

When “I could never do that” is easier than you might imagine

I am living a dream life.  Maybe not your average American dream type life, but I am definitely living my dream.  It doesn’t come with a six figure salary or a gated community.  I don’t lease a foreign car, or have upward mobility.  We live on a teacher’s salary.  I am blessed though.  I have a wonderful, supportive and amazing wife.  I have a beautiful baby boy.  I founded and run a basketball ministry called Pressing On in a section of New Orleans that is infamous for violence.  A basketball ministry is a dream that I had imprinted on my heart, but that I never had even the slightest idea how to make a reality.  In fact, it wasn’t even until the possibility was right before me that it even seemed plausible.

Needless to say, you don’t have to talk to me for very long to realize that I love my life.  My life feels like it is filled with purpose.  I am a man who grew up fatherless using basketball to walk through life with other fatherless children and young men.  God has used the most painful experience I’ve known to help, benefit, and encourage others.

Last Christmas I went home and got to see some of my best friends I haven’t seen in a long time.  One of my friends said “I don’t think I could ever do something like that.  I’m so impressed by you.”  I responded with a comment like “I bet there’s a lot of things in life you don’t think you can do until you do it. ”  I’m not sure why this comment has suddenly come to the forefront of my mind, or why I’ve been dwelling on it for the past couple days.

I’ve realized a couple things from this though.  First and foremost I’m really not doing anything special – or rather – I’m not doing anything that can’t be done by everyone right where they are.  There just a couple things that I do that I hope make a difference.

My job – and my life – brought me across the country to live with and walk with and share life with young men – most of whom are fatherless.  It doesn’t have to be this way.  Each one of us rubs shoulders with friends, neighbors, co-workers, and strangers each day.  This is our sphere of influence and each of us have one.  The more people you interact with the greater your sphere can be.

People in New Orleans are the same as people everywhere.  We all want to be important – to be valued – to be respected.  When you give each person you meet your attention, your care, and the chance to feel important your impact on the world grows exponentially.

This world is full of people drowning in shame, guilt, self loathing, abandonment, rejection, and feelings of inadequacy.  It doesn’t take anybody special to take the time to make someone feel valued, loved, cherished, worthy of attention or affection, or even important.  Unfortunately in this  society, where we only focus on ourself, the person who is aware of the needs of others is rare.

If, to one person, you make this world shine a little brighter, give them a little more hope, or make them feel a little bit more important then you are making a difference because even just one life is worth saving.

So as you go out about your normal day – doing your normal tasks – meeting the same friends, co-workers, and strangers open your eyes to the world around you.  Pay attention to those who may need to be seen.  Keep your ears open to those that need someone to listen.  Use your mouth to build up those who the world repeatedly knocks down and kicks.  Do you want to have an impact on the world?  Be an encouragement.  You may never see a difference, but if you’re like me you never forget those that have made an impact in your own life.

How Important Is Mentorship?

Tonight my wife and I were watching Undercover Boss.  I personally love this show because I think it’s great to see people in a position of privilege and power step out of their office and into the lives of employees that work for them.

Tonight’s had the CEO of DirecTV doing an assortment of jobs.  One job in particular brought him to a call center in Colorado where he met a young woman named Chloe.  Hearing her story we learned that she was doing a full time job and going to school.  We also learned that she spent over a year in the foster care system.

The end of the show is where the boss brings the employees he worked with into his office to reveal his true identity.  He did two things for Chloe – the first was offer her a scholarship for $10,000 to help her pay for school.  This made her smile and wipe a tear from her eyes.

The second thing he did is offer to be a mentor for her.  He said he would like to meet with her a couple times per year just to give her advice.  In her post meeting interview tears were pouring down her face as she talked about having a father figure in her life willing to give advice.  Something she’s never had before.

So how important is mentorship?

At least in this case it’s worth more than $10,000.  How come something worth so much costs so little?  How come more people don’t take advantage?  The cost is too great.  We are selfish with our time, and unfortunately for millions of people in need of guidance time is the only thing that mentor relationships cost.  What do you do with your free time?  Could you spare some to make the world a different place for at least one person growing up in need of guidance?

Encouragement is a two way street

Many people could describe me in many ways.  Fatherless, underachiever, basketball junkie, coach, comical, or crazy sexy (if you’re my wife and you’re joking).  I’m also a reformed angry child.  I’ve come a long way in controlling my anger, and even stopping myself from losing my cool.  That being said I’ve also still got a long way to go.  Sometimes when things outside of my control don’t go my way I get frustrated.  And sometimes when that happens I struggle to keep an even keel.

Last week was I had one of those days.  Of course – it happened on the basketball court in front of guys I would speak to after a few games, and it started because I was playing poorly and making stupid decision after stupid decision.  I let my competition get into my head, and I lost my effectiveness.

I knew I wasn’t in a good place, and I could feel my frustration rising.  I tried to keep my cool on the outside, but on the inside I knew I was a wreck.  I was pretty sure they could tell, but I didn’t realize how big a deal it would be until we stopped for the half time message.

Right when we gathered my heart sank.  I suddenly remembered what I was going to talk about with these guys.  All of a sudden I realized that I was talking about Joy, specifically how much more joyful I am now that I’ve accepted Jesus as my Savior and begun to live in a way he would be proud of.  Immediately I felt like a hypocrite that didn’t deserve to talk.  I felt like my words, because of my actions, were now useless.  I asked someone to pray for me, apologized for my actions, and began to tell them – whether it looks like it or not – how I’m much more joyful now that I was even 10 years ago.

The words were hard to say, but when I finished everybody got up to go grab dinner.  I suddenly realized that two guys were hanging right around my shadow.  It was these guys who would get to give me life giving words.  They told me that they didn’t think that I was as mad as I felt like I was, they told me that it wasn’t tough to listen to me.  At times like these my self confidence is low, but these guys I respect so much were so quick to pick me back up.  Each week I give a short message of encouragement, love and hope.  I don’t often get much feedback, so I’m not sure how much my words impact lives.  This week though it was such a blessing to be able to see these guys give me encouragement, and to know that their words matter… because they matter to me.

Unstable Ground

A few weeks ago I had a couple of guys from my younger group over to our house to watch football and eat the chili fries I promised them a while back.  Almost immediately one of the guys noticed the yoga ball in our living room and asked what it was used for.

I told him that it was a yoga ball, but I use it as a chair, and I challenged him to try to balance on his butt.  He did it pretty easily, and then Lacey told him that one of her brothers can balance on it kneeling.  He tried it, and to my surprise he was able to do it very easily.  Of course a 13 year old boy would naturally think he can stand on the ball without any problem.

View the Video HERE!

(If there are any problems viewing this video please contact me and I’ll fix it.)

As you can imagine (and see) this didn’t end very well.  Don’t worry though nobody was hurt.  This video gave me the opportunity to use this story to talk to all of my players about the unstable ground that some of us build our lives on.  It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that some things will end badly. Whether it is a relationship, our reactions to problems, our attitude, or our actions (whether legal or illegal) those things that we do that aren’t stable will eventually leave us shaken, fallen, and in pain.

To see the sermon notes of the full sermon Click on the Monday Messages tab.  The sermon is also called Unstable Ground.

It is times like these that I get to interact with players, talk to players, or just spend time hanging out that I realize how blessed I am to have been brought to New Orleans for this reason.  Please continue to pray for myself, my ministry and my family.

The reason I haven’t updated

I’ve been horrible updating this blog since my son was born on Sept. 1.  For that I’m very sorry, and I’ll do my best to become more consistent, so that this website has new information AT LEAST once a week.

So much has happened.  It’s been great to be able to have Lacey home during the day to help me learn all sorts of things about baby care that I had no idea about.  I’m really lucky she was able to get maternity leave, or it’s possible that this baby’s life would already be in distress.  After all – in mid October –  Lacey goes back to work, and I get to begin my work under the deadlines of nap times (which may actually help my productivity by giving me constant deadlines).

The school year has kicked off, and everybody is getting used to new schedules.  Some old friends have conflicting schedules, and we’ve met a handful of new players that have become regulars.  Most of my new players show up due to word of mouth.

I’ve realized that the workouts I’ve been doing for 5-8th graders have trended upward with quite a few young high school players sneaking themselves onto the court to get a workout.  This has led to two completely different ability groups with a couple players most likely being able to play in either group.  As I’m getting used to my schedule with the baby I’m actively seeking new opportunities to split this group into two.  Also complicating matters is the fact that it will be getting too cold for people to want to play outside within the next 2-3 months, so I will need to be able to find gym space.  Please keep this in your prayers.